Ok said I wasn’t going to say anything else, but now that I’ve been personally judged and grouped into a category basically called a man, I am. No, that’s not actually true. I never said that “nice tits” was a compliment to go around saying to people whether you knew them or not, and there was never that in the original post. And no, it’s not oversensitive to be able to accept a compliment. If you don’t want men, or anyone else, to notice you, you’d better not wear makeup, you’d better not even go out in public. Getting notice is just part of living. Too bad, so sad, it’s going to happen. If someone says you look nice today, they are not by any means assaulting you and you’re totally nuts to say they are. I have had PLENTY of unwanted sexual experience, and never had any sexual experience that I actually DID want. Don’t you dare assume to know what has or has not happened to me. But that doesn’t mean that people cannot compliment me without having an intent to go any further than to brighten my day with a kind word. If you are unable to handle a compliment, you need help. A lot more help than can be provided by the internet. If a woman can say “hey you look pretty today,” without it meaning that they are trying to own you or your appearance, then so can a man. You ARE lumping all men into one category, whether you say that you are or not.
And no, what’s cruel is to say to one child “oh you’re very pretty” and to another child “oh you’re…not..” THAT is cruel. All children should be told they are pretty. I know that had I not been tormented for the way I looked, and had I not seen other children tormented for their weight, for example, I would not have felt such a strong desire to be thin that I would have gone to the drastic measures I did that led to the places they did. You are just wrong all over the place here. You think all women rely on the approval of a man? That’s on you. I don’t care. A compliment is a nice thing someone says to you. You wanna rely on it, that’s up to you. You could just see it as a nice thing that happened during the day. Somebody ilked your makeup. Somebody liked your hairstyle. Somebody liked your singing. Whatever the hell it was. If you NEED a man to tell you that, that’s entirely on you and not on the people who deliver the compliment, male or female. And now, please stop presuming to know anything about what I have experienced or not, and I would like to be done with this stupidity.
no han, nooo…catcalls are just another way to objectify women. they make me feel like i’m just a piece of meat and i can’t mind my own business without someone making me uncomfortable. i wasn’t posting that to agree with it, i was espressing exasperation at that mentality…
lol we are SO DIFFERENT i guess. i don’t see the harm in someone expressing, respectfully, that they think i am pretty, or in someone complimenting me. i mean, i appreciate people when they go out of their way to be nice to me. i’m not gonna make them feel badly about themselves about it. now, if they came over and grabbed my boob instead, thatd be different. but saying “hey you are really pretty just saying” and then left? i really think that’s fine and nice and sweet. like idk how people can try to make other people feel so bad about themselves for trying to deliver a compliment in the nicest way they know possible. these people aren’t pulling over their cars, coming out, grabbing girls, and throwing them inside. that’s wrong. but to wave or honk or whatever to just be like “hey you look cute today” on their way somewhere?!! there’s gotta be a line drawn somewhere on where i get my panties in a twist.
or i guess for some people there isn’t, and it’s impossible to compliment them.
Maybe some people just don’t want unsought “compliments.” And truthfully, people rarely just say nice things without an ulterior motive. It’s just not necessary at all, and in most cases it isn’t respectful. It would be great if guys who are complete strangers could just stop assuming that women care whether they find them “pretty” or think they look “cute.”
Also your comments seem to imply that harassment is purely physical which is completely untrue. Harassment comes in more forms that just “grabbing girls” or “grabbing their boobs.”
Women do not exist for men, and they don’t make themselves “pretty” for men, nor are they obligated to do so. Yet many men don’t seem to understand this; catcalling is a perfect example of their entitlement.
I’m not trying to attack your or anything, just maybe offer a little more insight.
Because there’s nothing wrong with complimenting someone and no matter how you twist it it’s not rude until it goes past that. If someone specifically asks you to stop and you don’t, it’s rude. But if not, it’s nice. If I tell a girl that I like her outfit one day, I don’t expect her to go around and attack me for complimenting her. I was telling her I liked her outfit that day as a compliment, because I did. No ulterior motivation involved. It’s crazy if anyone says differently. And just for the record, you can’t lump men into some group where all men are just wild, oversexed beings who can’t appreciate a woman. If a man says “hey you look pretty today” and moves on? I’m not gonna get upset and nobody should because it’s not rude. It’s nice. He’s noticed you, instead of seeing you as just some object. He sees that you’re a person and you have feelings. He would like to make you feel good. He might even say it to someone he doesn’t feel as attracted to. I know my dad has done that. He has told little girls they were cute, even if they weren’t that cute. Because it’s nice, and it makes people feel good. There may be a select few who have somehow warped a caring gesture such as a compliment into something bad, but it’s not. There are things that can be said that are creepy like, “nice tits” which are not necessarily the right things to say as a compliment to most women. That will upset most women. That is a sexual and obvious thing that will objectify the woman. But you can’t assume that before it’s been said. A wave, a smile, anything like that does not equal “HEY I WANT TO BONE YOU.” There are other things that ARE compliments. Every little girl should be told she’s pretty. Everyone should hear that. I tell my friends all the time when I notice something I like that I like it. And if they have a problem with it, they can tell me, but that would put up a red flag with me. If I can’t even compliment a friend on her new hair cut, what kind of world is this? People are WAY oversensitive and it is OUT OF CONTROL. i don’t mean this to attack or offend anyone, but it’s how i feel and I’ve become more and more frustrated, which was why mel’s e-sarcasm threw me off as usual and I again thought that finally somebody was getting it. But I guess only the original poster of the remark was really getting where I was coming from. People should learn to take a compliment at face value. It’s something people say or do in order to make someone else feel better. I’m not gonna let anyone twist that for me, into something bad. There is enough bad in the world, I don’t need people to ruin the little bit of good that’s left in it. There’s my opinion, that’s my story, I’m sticking to it. I have no hard feelings towards anyone, I just feel that it’s a moot point because nobody’s going to change anyone else’s mind and I don’t want to have a big fight about, of all things, compliments. With anyone.
I’m not talking about girls complimenting other girls on their outfits; I’m talking about men forcibly complimenting women on their appearances, and getting upset when women don’t feel obligated to accept their “compliments,” when they’re actually telling women that if they don’t feel the need to appreciate their approval, they’re rude bitches. I understand that this evidently isn’t something you’ve experienced, and therefore it is difficult for you to present an educated opinion instead of an opinion based on emotions and personal experience, or lack thereof.
I am not lumping all men into a group and calling them savages. That’s not what I was trying to convey at all. You interpreted it as such because of how defensive you are, and that’s understandable. However, I’m talking about the large amount of women who have experienced harassment from males the form of “compliments.”
If a man says “Hey you look pretty today,” to a woman, he has noticed her based on her appearance only, and he is commenting on that. He hasn’t noticed you, he has noticed your appearance. That is objectification. You are more than your appearance.
People who give out compliments freely even if they don’t truly mean them are not doing it for the benefit of others, as much as they have convinced themselves of such. They are doing it to make themselves feel good; to make themselves feel like they have made others feel good, when they truly have no idea how that person might’ve taken their “compliment.” Plus, complimenting someone when you don’t mean it is dishonest and crueler than simply saying nothing, because nothing needs to be said.
When you say that a man who compliments a woman on her appearance wants to make her feel good, what you are implying is that said man thinks said woman doesn’t feel good, and therefore needs his approval to feel good. It’s very sad to me that you seem to think this is true. Even sadder still is that in many cases, it is true for women. They have been taught to rely upon the approval of men, to act certain ways in order to gain it, and to treasure it. But this is wrong. The only opinion that matters when it comes to a person’s appearance is theirs.
Also, saying “nice tits” is never the right thing to say to any woman, esp. a woman you do not know (which, as I might remind you, is what we’re talking about here, or at least what I’m talking about.)
It’s fantastic that you compliment your friends, and it’s fantastic that you want to help them feel good about themselves. However, you’re also assuming they need to rely on your opinion, and you’ve made it pretty clear that that’s how you feel about any kind of compliment from anyone.
I know this is blunt, but as we’re being honest here, you’re really the only person who is oversensitive. You possess the same mentality of many men who verbally harass women they do not know, or even women they do know. The mentality that people are and should be reliant on the opinions of others. This mentality is very unhealthy, selfish, and at the end of the day it is not beneficial to anyone.